- Finn LAA-Gold!
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agilityfrk- February 6th, 12:17
giddy
I thought we needed a couple pairs legs, but turns out we finished the LAA-Gold with his APD-Bronze. :-) Finn has been a remarkable teammate. We'll continue to play, I have a few more titles I hope to reach, but in terms of big goals, I think this is it. He'd need nearly 150 more legs to finish his LAA-Platinum and while that's possible, it's not something I want to "try" to get, because at some point I think it's important to just appreciate without expectations. We will try for his APD-Silver, but we won't be trying for an APD-Gold. He needs 5 more Standards and then we'll be done with that class. The table makes it the class we least enjoy. Pairs/Snooker/Gamblers/Jumpers we will continue to do indefinitely. I think he needs a couple more PNS/PSJ and then two more PVPs to finish his Platinum and then we'll stop running in those classes to save Betty money and save Finn to be able to run as long as he can. I worry about putting lots of miles on older dogs, I like to set goals that can be reached before they are 9 (Finn turns 9 later this month). I'm thrilled that he's reached this goal. Finn and I don't always get along, but what amazing success we have had. I've been very lucky to have him as a teammate, very lucky to have had Betty's unconditional support and lucky that Kristi recommended me to Betty when Finn was just a pup. What a ride it has been, but it's not over yet, we're just entering a different stage. :-)
- Wave 2
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- agilityfrk
- February 4th, 11:36
I think Max being gone is becoming real to me (today is 5 weeks). This past weekend, I had a couple people come up and ask, "how's my boy?". So many people felt connected to him and I felt bad having to tell them the news. I think because I was so quick to tell EVERYONE what had happened, that it became like everyone was just in on my weird dream that Max had left. In a way, everyone knowing helped keep my denial here longer. I didn't have to say out loud, "Max left us" for weeks. Hearing myself say those words has been a reality check. I still feel him near me all the time. I still think I see him. Last weekend, we were crated next to Anne and her cattledogs and I kept thinking I was seeing Max peaking under the shade cloths. I miss him, it doesn't seem real, but at the same time it does. I have moments where I remember how many days it's been and then hours later I'll think I hadn't thought about it, only to remember later that I had already thought about it. I think this is how the process of not remembering how long it's been happens. I mean I'll always know how long it's been, but I don't expect to know exactly how many weeks/days it's been forever. And knowing that makes me sad, but I know it's how this goes. I am so thankful that I have no regrets about anything Max, just a selfish desire to have had more time.
It does bring me back to something that happened to Kristi. The last time we had Jim B. down for a seminar, her old wolf hybrid was flirting outrageously with Spy (Spy had a thing for the OLDER lady, Swift was more of a pedophile having a thing for the very young Sizzle). It was the most active I'd ever see her, downright frisky. Kristi lost her later that year and at Nationals Jim asked how Bandy was doing. Kristi answered, "we lost her." Jim didn't realize what was said and innocently said, "I hope you found her!", which got the "she's dead" reply. I'm sorry, but that's funny. Jim was mortified, probably still is. I am still completely amused by it (as is Kristi). Yes, my sense of humor can be very dark. ;-)
- Day 3 DrivenDogs
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- agilityfrk
- February 1st, 21:12
tired
I'm sooooo tired. Really, really tired. I'm going to have some contact rehab to do with Vic at the end of the month at the Contact Point trial, but I don't think they'll be hard to get back. He released himself off the frame in both Standard and Gamblers on Sunday. I should have held them longer in Steeplechase and GP, but well, I didn't, so we'll fix it in a few weeks. ;-) Otherwise, it was another really good day for the boys.
Finn Qed in everything, but Standard (God I HATE the table), winning most everything, but there weren't many dogs and no one that normally beats us when we run clean. Still, I was very happy with how he ran, I think he only missed one weave entry over all 3 days and other than Sunday's incredibly painful table experience, he was good about those as well. He was 3 for 3 in Gamblers, 3 for 3 in Snooker, 2 for 3 in Jumpers, 2 for 2 in Pairs, 0 for 3 in Standard, plus won all PSJ and PNS. Good boy Finnamon!
Vic was pushing his startline, never broke, but I could feel him thinking about going. I'm forgiving myself for pushing harder than I should have at a local trial, because with Max's departure it was more important that I focus on FUN. And I had lots of fun. :-) Vic was awesome again, missteps were my mistakes, he was amazing. In Gamblers I didn't drive the line to the weaves in my opening and ended up negating the gamble by doing two obstacles in a row. Other than the naughtiness at the frame in Standard, he was super. I LOVED our Steeplechase run, through the weaves. Grand Prix was fun, I should have run that course easier. He ended up winning the class by 5 or so seconds, getting a redundant bye, since I don't plan on doing any Regionals other than the Southwest. It was fun pushing and good practice for me, so I'm not too down on myself. Besides, any GP that I'm pushing on and remember to say "touch" is really good. ;-) After Friday's Snooker, I didn't like any of the layouts to go for big points. I hate icky approaches to teeters and don't want to do more frames than I have to. Vic was always great in the class, he's such a good Snooker dog! Jumpers was super fun! I saw a few runs that I didn't know if we could catch. First Rachel and Fable made the course look so easy, followed by Carol and Trace having a blistering run and then Kate and Power tore it up. I thought Vic's run was good, but I knew we'd had a few more strides than necessary on the course. I was very happy with how I set up and executed the rc at jump #4 (I was patient!) and very happy with my fcs after the first and last tunnels. I was surprised Vic won the class, what a great way to end the weekend! Karen Gloor set up super courses all weekend as were Jessica Ajoux's Starters/Adv. Great courses, good footing (even if my legs are killing me, the footing was great for the dogs) and good friends. Nice way to spend a few days, but I'm glad I have a few weeks off before doing it again. :-)
Here's Sunday's video (minus GP):
- More runs
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- agilityfrk
- January 31st, 23:33
A LONG video of many of Finn's runs from this weekend. He was a very good boy and hung in there despite a pretty grueling schedule.
And here is Vic's Grand Prix run from today. He was such a good boy!
- Vic video first two day
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- agilityfrk
- January 31st, 22:24
happy
It's crazy long. Missing is one of the best runs of a weekend full of super runs: Friday's Snooker, which he won with a stellar effort. That was actually the run that made me realize I need to appreciate Vic not being normal. I was happy with the run, I know there was a bobble, so it could have been better. I had so many people come up to me and make comments about how great it must have felt to have that run. It did feel good, but it didn't feel unusually good. When I really thought about the things Vic did so easily (it was a jump/weave/jump 7), I started appreciating just how great an effort it really was.
- Vic's not normal
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- agilityfrk
- January 30th, 20:44
- grateful
And I mean this in a good way. I sometimes forget he isn't normal, because there are several abnormal dogs in this generation, some I've closely followed on LJ that are not normal, some that are way less normal than Vic. Three year old dogs, are normally not this competitive and consistent, normally teams this young aren't this connected. Vic is not normal, Vic and I are not a normal team, this level would normally have taken longer to get to. I need to remind myself of this. I must remember when helping a student that their dog is normal and remember at 3-5, it is still a young dog. I think when the dog is 5-8 years old, is when a team is at their peak. Vic is THREE and I've never felt this confident with any other dog.
In the first two days of DrivenDogs, Vic has run clean in 10 out of 12 runs. He has had several runs that inspired people I didn't really know to come up and tell me how special it was....several special runs. Having that many special runs in one weekend is not normal, no matter what age the dog. The NQs were all me. Any misstep was caused by me, Vic has always done exactly what I cued. Always. In my mind, he hasn't made a mistake. Today he rattled the last bar in Jumpers. My fault, I stopped driving forward, partly because my legs and brain are TIRED and partly because I was thinking about how well the prior two jumps had gone. Seriously, I remember thinking, "I was totally there for the fc and I remembered to rotate through the turn". He was just so good that run and EVERY run. He has made every weave entry look easy, held every contact until released, no pushing at the startline, not one bar down... It's not normal and I have to remember this. I have to remember this because normal dogs have a lot more room to improve the next 3 years. Obviously, I think Vic is going to get even better, but he doesn't have the room for improvement normal dogs have at this age. I have to remember this, so I don't get frustrated if he doesn't drop 3 seconds off his course times, like I think many normal peers will do in the next couple years. I have to remember he is not normal, because I need to appreciate this. I shouldn't let this become normal to me, because it's not normal. It's special. When I would tell people about what I hoped to get when I got my first bc puppy, I would say, "I dream of getting a great dog and just not screwing it up." I've gotten my wish. A granted wish is very special and so is my Vic.
- I'm showing this weekend?
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- agilityfrk
- January 27th, 22:28
blah
And not just showing, but SHOWING, as in tons of runs for the two boys over 3 days (triple Jumpers/Gamblers/Snooker/Standard, double Pairs, plus GP/Steeplechase). I can't imagine where I'm going to find the energy, I don't know how much of my low-energy is caused by all the bad weather and how much is from me missing Max (4 weeks tomorrow..how is that possible?). My goals for this weekend are simple, to enjoy running the boys and not screwing up any criteria in the process.
I'm trying to write up new bios for a couple places and had to figure out the dogs titles/accomplishments. Figuring out the timeline of Max's agility career and realizing how long ago it began, just deflated me for some reason. Anne swung by with a gift from some friends from the club, a beautiful necklace with a picture of Max that is inscribed in the back with "Love my Max". The kindness of people continues to blow me away, I'm very blessed having so many great friends. I'm wearing the necklace now and it will go with me to the show. If I wasn't afraid of breaking it, I would never take it off. The idea of competing with Max no longer here seems so unreal. I started agility with him as my partner, so strange that everything just keeps going forward and he's not a part of it. I know he'll always be a part of it, because he's such a part of me... It will be good to finally get to teach again tomorrow. I think a day of classes will help get me out of this funk.
- Nephews and Nieces
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- agilityfrk
- January 25th, 12:47
Ryker (the tri boy) is definitely my favorite so far.
- lazy weekend
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- agilityfrk
- January 24th, 10:40
- lazy
Mike invited an old friend up for football today. I found out at 10:30pm LAST night. Presently, I'm stalling on doing some needed cleaning before they arrive. Yesterday, Starlet went with Mike in the morning, so it was just me and Vic. Very weird only having Vic with me. He's such an easy guy and good company, but it was still weird just having the one boy. He joined me on errands and then for a walk up at Tuckers. Maybe it's a bc thing to just run and run without thinking to check in. I ended up hiding from him when he'd get too far away, which did the trick. He had a blast doing some off-road exploring and it was a beautiful day and a beautiful walk. Vic was quite the hit with the weekend warriors we met on the trail, many compliments from his good looks to his obvious intelligence. If Vic knew what people were saying about him, his ego would be out of control. Max was on my mind quite a bit, the crows were loud on the walk and I swear they were following us. I suspect I will always think of Max when I see or hear crows. Max HATED crows, I think as he got older, he recognized them as a worthy opponent, but there was never any love between Max and the black birds, respect, yes, love, no.
Last night, I was going through some mail and noticed an envelope that I'd missed from a week or so ago. It was from the vet's and in addition to the kind words of condolences was a piece of paper with Max's pawprint on it. It's lovely, makes me cry, but really it's lovely. I was emailing with a acd/bc friend the other day and she asked how I was doing. I like what I wrote her enough that I'm adding it here:
I'm doing okay, in many ways, much better than I expected. I think having a goodbye we knew was coming first in years, then months, then weeks, then days, then hours, right down to minutes and seconds helps. We were really able to show Max how much we appreciated him and to make sure he had some great days in a life that had no bad ones. I still feel him near me all the time, but I miss him terribly, he was truly a friend.
Football today, all my teams have lost, so I'm not sure who I'm cheering for. Maybe I'll just cheer on me getting a good beer buzz. :-)
- Operation Vic will gain weight!
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- agilityfrk
- January 22nd, 13:39
The goal of Vic not being skeletal continues. I think the endless supply of Show Stopper Kristi hooked us up with is helping. Definitely helped out Skinny Star who is presently a perfect weight, if a little soft. More walks should fix that. The Show Stopper is making their coats extra beautiful. Vic has put on some weight. There's almost a layer over his ribs, but he still has a few pounds to put on. He's eating easier than before. I can have him and Starlet out together for their meals. Vic was always aware that Max wanted his food and wasn't going to ask, "Are you done with that?" before taking it. He's still not eating everything I give him at one time, but I'm bringing his food into the office with me, so he's eating more throughout the day. It's still raining here, but not as consistently as yesterday. Vic is entertaining himself with the Babble Ball Betty gave him for Christmas and Starlet is staring at Gari the Cat.
- 3 weeks, rain and pics of Vic's nephews and nieces
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- agilityfrk
- January 21st, 16:25
- okay
I wonder how long it will be before I have a Thursday that I don't think about Max dying on a Thursday. Today is 3 weeks, since the impossible happened. I still can't get my head around him not being here. I mean, he's here, in that I feel him here, but I miss having him here. The bcs are so much more polite in the house and quieter in the house than Max. Vic likes being my shadow too, but where Vic will lie next to the kitchen when I'm cooking, Max would be under my feet hoping for something to drop. When my mom died, the hospice people warned us that 3 weeks is a tough week in the grieving process. From what I've experienced and seen in friends, that holds true. I think I'm helped by knowing this and helped by the freaky happy feeling of a couple days ago. I know it will get better, I know it is getting better and this relapse into sadness is part of a process that is important and must be experienced in order to properly heal. I'd been looking forward to the Nancy G. seminar this weekend, but it's been canceled because of the rain. This is probably a good thing, since I feel a little fragile at the moment, which is never a good time to train.
The rain has been overrated. Every night our news cast spends the first 10 minutes talking about the rain with a reporter standing near Mission Creek. I remember how that creek looked during the big storms and this isn't close. It looks like a creek, a step above a stream, but not close to a river. We still have another day to go in the storm systems, then a couple days off and then another day of rain. Chances of Vic and Finn getting a tune up before DrivenDogs next week aren't good. The park is built on clay and doesn't drain well at all. A tune up would really be more for me than them. My goals for that show are maintaining Vic's criteria and just enjoying running the boys.On happier news, here are some 1 week pics of Vic's nephews and nieces in England. I like the tri boy Ryker the best so far:
Ryker
Bat
Squirrel
Cilla
Freda
- Happy
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- agilityfrk
- January 19th, 10:36
- hopeful
Yesterday after a morning of horrible weather, the skies cleared and we had beautiful sunshine if a bit cold (upper 50s, maybe lower 60s). I could see the break coming from my office (where when I stand up, I can see the ocean past More Mesa) and didn't know it would hold, so I rushed out the door with the dogs for a romp. Starlet did NOT want to go. It was probably the most pathetic I've ever seen her, as I dragged her out the door by the collar, saying "we're going for a walk". My first attempt was Tucker's, but they've closed the road where it leads to the main trail, because of flash flood risks. I had initially been a bit worried about Starlet, but when she realized we were going on a walk, she started acting like her happy excitable self. So, down Cathedral Oaks we went to go to Lake Los Carneros. Somewhere on the drive I realized I felt this weird feeling that I hadn't felt in months. I was happy, pure worry-free happiness, everything seemed clearer/brighter/more alive. And then I thought, "I haven't driven on this road since our last day with Max". And I was STILL HAPPY. It was okay, for a moment there, everything was okay. Driving by the park where he had his last adventure, that wasn't such a happy moment, but while there were tears, it wasn't meltdown status. I actually had a day and a half free of a meltdown. Last night, I was calling the dogs for their dinner (without Max, the bcs don't notice when I'm making it) and heard myself say, "Where are you Max?". That I didn't handle so well, but it's all part of the process and I believe the tears are helping me heal, even if there are times I worry about dehydration. ;-)
The walk itself was interesting. I don't think I've taken just Vic and Starlet on a walk with just me, since Max left. Mike's joined us or we've been with Kristi and her pack. The walk started with Vic chasing a big stork, much like Max would have. I wish I'd had a camera, it was so pretty, just don't tell the bird watchers I let him, okay, encouraged him to do it. ;-) At first, Starlet and Vic didn't know what to do if I wasn't moving (and I stalled out at many a muddy water crossing, looking for a way across in my inappropriate shoes). They'd just stand there waiting for something to entertain them. About 10 minutes into the walk they seemed to figure it out and that's when I learned they have no sense of direction or proximity to me. Like clockwork, at a fork in the road, at least one of them would go the wrong way and go that way for a while. It wasn't like they were working together, if there were 3 or more options, they'd each take one, never the one I was taking and it would take a while before they'd realize they'd gone the wrong way. Even when we were all heading down the same path, they'd just take off, until they were out of sight, full tilt boogy, no looking back. Good news is they took an extra long walk because of all these detours and whenever I called for them they came back.
On Sunday I went to practice. I haven't been in ages, but with the coming rain, I figured I could sacrifice some football to get Vic out and I'd hoped to do some tables with Finn. On the way to the park it started to drizzle, so no tables for Finn, but I did work Vic. I find my energy level still isn't where it should be, so I didn't want to run Finn if I wasn't all there. It wasn't the most organized practice I've done with Vic, but it was good to run him on sequences I didn't design and we had fun.
Betty did give me the Christmas gifts she's been trying to get to me, since before Christmas. What amazing gifts! First there's the picture Doghouse Arts took of me and Finn at Nationals. It's my favorite pic of the two of us. I'm giving him pre-run treats and laughing my head off. Then there was THE GIFT. She had an artist friend do a portrait of Max. It's beautiful and I'm so touched. I'm going to try and get some pics. Oh! The crew up at Gentle Touch also got together and gave me something to hang on my rear view mirror. A very simple chain with a beautiful crystal, a heart engraved with Max in my heart forever, another thing that has ADCH and one that has LAA-Silver. It looks like necklace to me and I'll be wearing it at the next show.
Here's the video of Vic from practice:
- 24 hours in and I'm over the weather
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- agilityfrk
- January 18th, 11:09
cranky
They're saying it's going to be a storm, like we haven't seen in 10+ years. We're definitely due for one and I know we need the rain, but OMG this can't go on for the days they're predicting. 3 storms are stacked, this is the mid-level one, I'm hoping the big one loses some punch, because I can't take much worse than this. First I have a major fear of the wind, don't ask, I don't know, but I remember hiding under the bed as a kid on super windy nights. Really, it's wind and trees, I don't think I'd care if I wasn't concerned about things falling on me. Throw in howling wind/big trees/saturating rain and well, I'm not a happy camper at the moment.
- Two weeks
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- agilityfrk
- January 14th, 11:19
How can it possibly have been two weeks? Time is weird. It feels both impossible that it's only been two weeks and also impossible that it's already been that long. I still struggle with it and have yet to have a day without some significant meltdown. I know today is going to be very rough, his ashes are coming home. I thought about picking them up on my way up north, but I don't think driving with Max in a box next to me for hours is a good idea. Mike is going to pick them up while I'm gone. The extended bad dream feeling I've been living with is starting to morph into the horrible reality that Max has really left us. It still doesn't feel real. Not helped that I still feel him here. I "feel" him more than I see him now. I still "see" him several times a day, but I "feel" him almost all the time. The house is so much quieter. A super friend made me a couple shirts with Max on it. She's a very talented artist and drew his image from an agility shot (including his classic crossed front paws), his name, the years he was here and one of his nicknames is also on the shirt (Maximus Gluttonus). They're incredible and one of them will eventually be put aside to preserve it, but they are too amazing not to wear. I'm very lucky to have so many kind and supportive people in my life, but I really miss my Max.
- Vic is 3!
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- agilityfrk
- January 13th, 22:53
- chipper
Where on earth is the time going?!?! Vic had a fun day today, first a walk with Kristi's crew, running errands with me (including a stop at the pet store, where Vic picked out a chewie) and now Mike is making him a birthday meatloaf. Yesterday, I ran him at 26" on a couple sequences. I wanted to get video of Vic and a friend's dog jumping, so I could compare form and her dog jumps 26". Vic is also now an uncle for the first time. His older brother Harry has kids that were born on Saturday. When I was first looking at the pics, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with the lighting in a couple of the pictures. Oh, it's not the lighting, it's a blue puppy. So, I guess the possibility of Vic carrying dilute just went up...ewwwww. Here are some pics from today (taken with Kristi's mega-camera):Starlet is so HAPPY.
Vic's rarely photographed dark side
And here's a pic of the nieces and nephews (3 boys, 2 girls) with their proud mommy Missy
And here's the video of Vic over the big jumps:
- Bleh
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- agilityfrk
- January 13th, 0:09
nostalgic
I'm glad the rain is here, we need it. I'm also glad it won't be here for long, but next week is looking pretty wet... I'm thinking I may be exiting the lovely denial stage, but I can't tell if it's that or that so many dogs have been leaving. What I do know, I miss Max.
Barbara put together a very sweet homepage. I love how Max crossed his front legs when jumping. :-) www.goletavalleydogclub.org
- Apparently God is a dog hoarder...
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- agilityfrk
- January 11th, 23:52
sad
I thought we were due for a break from dogs leaving, but well, I'm starting to think God is pretty selfish... I knew for a few weeks that my friend Scott's sweet boy Foster had been diagnosed with inoperable hemangiosarcoma. He left us yesterday. This morning I heard that Annie Blue (a BRILLIANT aussie) was taken by cancer. Tonight I come back from a belated Christmas with Mike's folks to find out the Peggi's legend of a Lab, Jessie, left us today. Enough already! My thoughts are with the humans left behind, this is a very sad time in SoCal.
Foster Boster
Jessie Bean (one of the best gambling dogs ever)
- Getting back in the swing of things
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- agilityfrk
- January 9th, 9:52
I still have a billion emails to answer, several unopened Christmas presents (don't ask me why, but the idea of opening them causes meltdowns), but overall life is going forward. Classes went well all week, I'm still fascinated by how easily dogs read lead out pivots. I miss Max. I miss him barking at people when left in the car, I miss dropping food and knowing I didn't have to pick it up, I miss him always being in my sight, I miss him "helping" me train Vic... I still see him at times, I often feel him near me and still get surprised when he's not there. I did some agility with Vic this week. Not really any "training" just having fun doing sequences. He is so much fun, so easy, he spoils me. Starlet is doing good. She has totally chosen Mike to be her person, but I tell myself that's her right and it's good for Mike to have a dog. She still looks for Max. I was outside on the phone yesterday and went to close the door a little. Starlet stared and stared at the door convinced Max would be making an appearance. I told her, "No Max" and she trotted to the door, looked around, then gave a big sigh and went out to stare at Vic (who is not nearly as fun to observe as Max). That broke my heart a little, but overall she's still her happy self. NFL playoffs are starting up today, maybe next year the Niners will actually play in the post-season.
Here's some video of Vic from this week:
- Survived the day
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- agilityfrk
- January 5th, 22:37
- thankful
I'm pretty impressed with how functional I was today. I think lessons went well, plenty of fun was had with no major tear shedding. Now the drives to and from lessons I had total meltdowns. I can't listen to any of my cds, because they all bring too many memories. I was having flashes to the scene in Better Off Dead when John Cusack's character keeps trying to change the radio station, to find a non-break up song. Silence is no better, so I compulsively pet Vic and do my best to stay in my lane. I really am doing good, all things considered and I think crying is healthy and appropriate, so I try not to fight it too much. I think it was really good that I took the opportunity to cry as long and hard as I did right after he left his body, but while I still had his body to hold on to. Now that said, I've had a couple meltdowns that have made me laugh in hindsight. The first happened the day after Max left. I was looking for canned food for Gari the Cat and found a bunch of cans of dog food that Mike's parents gave us when Xena left. I saw the cans and thought, "Max would have loved these" and then cried and cried on the kitchen floor holding a couple cans of the food. Why hadn't I given these delicious treats to Max while he was still here? Oh yeah, because I was too busy cooking him roasts... That realization changed the sad tears to laughter. The other happened today. After classes I went by the bank, which is right around the corner from the vet where we took Max. I cried my way through the banking experience and thought, "stop at Taco Bell and get a delicious fruitista, can't be so sad with such a sweet tasty treat...". Yeah, I was in line to order and it's one of those setups that can get you boxed in when people come in after you. I lost it about 3 people from ordering, but my determination for a tasty sweet treat, kept me in line. Some kind lady asked me if I was okay, which of course, made me really lose it. I got out, "my dog died" and then a bunch of us, all strangers to each other, had a good cry over lost companions.
I continue to get incredibly kind emails from people about Max, some who knew him personally, some who never met him. Soon I'll actually start answering them, but I'm not ready yet. I have noticed a trend in what people remember. The number one thing is how obvious my adoration for Max was from many years ago. This is followed pretty closely by people remembering seeing Max when they first started agility and how impressed they were by his distance skills. It's hard to imagine meeting people who will never know Max. I heard from a student who was probably 14 or so when I last saw her (she's now in college). I don't know how she heard about Max, I can't believe she still had my email, but it was so amazing to hear from her about the impact Max had on her. Such a good boy, my Max. I'm so glad for all the video I have of him, I'm so grateful Kristi loaned me her mega-camera so I could get images of his last couple walks. It still doesn't feel totally real, but it also feels like Max has been gone so much longer than the days it has been. To say I miss him, doesn't really seem sufficient, but I do not feel lost and that is good.
- Back to work
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- agilityfrk
- January 4th, 18:42
- blah
Tomorrow I'm teaching again. I need to get back to it, but I expect it will be an emotional day. It's been nice hiding out, it's left me room for a little lingering denial. I am very lucky to have so many caring people in my life and many of those are people who take lessons with me. Being around my agility friends will be harder than my non-agility friends, because they know just how strong our bonds are with out dogs. I can't pretend. I think the reality of it all is what brought on the burly headache I had most of this afternoon. On happier news, Vic and Starlet are doing good. Starlet will still look for Max, but it doesn't seem to upset her anymore, when she doesn't find him. Vic seems back to his old ways, the vocalizations are definitely back to normal. Dogs are so good at living in the moment, I'm so thankful for the two I have.
